I hadn't done any of the work for it in the previous week, and my poor teammates quality of work is sadly terrible. I feel so bad now for having left them in the lurch.

I think if I hadn't gotten my period yesterday, though, I would have not cared. I would have just shrugged and walked out of the class without talking to any of them. Instead, I have gotten my period, and it's like a fog has lifted.

I hate my pre-menstrual syndrome. I'm like another person when I'm having it, and I never even know what kind of person I am, when I'm having it. Worse is that when I don't keep track of the weeks carefully enough, I don't even realize that I'm suffering pre-menstrual syndrome, and I don't realize that I'm behaving abnormally while I'm suffering it.

Last week's P.M.S. appears to have been indifference. Normally, when Tariq sends me an SMS telling me he wants to call, I get excited and drop everything to get ready for his call. Last week, all I could do was shrug and say, "Later. I'm busy" then forget that he's waiting to call me.

I could not care that my presentations are due this week and the next, or that I have exams in a month, or that my family wants to see me, or that I hadn't eaten all day, or that my friends are in need of my help. I cannot describe to you how not me I become when I'm suffering P.M.S.

I would never abandon my friends in time of need. I've been known to spend twenty-four hours with a friend in trouble, helping her out. I spent days accompanying a hospitalized friend. I chipped in forty per cent of the work among my groupmates last semester. Yet last week, I didn't care that my groupmates needed me to make a good presentation. I didn't care that my boyfriend missed me.

At least last week, it wasn't mood swings. Mood swings are worse to go through. One minute crying, one minute angry, one minute giggling, for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Yet, they're more obvious, so I can tell that they're symptoms of P.M.S. and compensate.

This disinterest of last week was insidious. I didn't realize until I got my period. I didn't compensate, and my groupmates suffered for it. I wish I could arrange project dates around my menstrual cycle.

Without P.M.S., I'm hard-working, caring, intelligent, and stable. Relatively. I do really well in school, until the first bout of P.M.S. screws it up, then I have to compensate. And if I haven't compensated in time for the next bout, it never gets compensated.

I'm not me when I have P.M.S. I'm someone else. I'm something else.

Free-hand was and is beyond me. I like following lines. I can trace over things.

So when I came across tutorials to draw these little gif dolls, I decided to give it a try. I am very very very pleased. I know I'm not very good yet, but drawing dolls gives me this opportunity to actually be able to draw something and I also get to toss in another hobby of mine: clothes!

Hopefully, I'll get better at drawing dolls.

So I'm really enjoying myself here, putting her in clothes she would never let me put her into in real life. Woo hoo!

Since I'm too nice, I put up this picture instead. Guess who this person is?

For Tariq

My little project for the past few days. It's my first one, so don't criticize. You can criticize my second one.

I just got my period, and man, am I relieved. On one hand, there's the miserable Pain, but then there's no pre-menstrual syndrome to contend with. I just have no control over myself when I get P.M.S. I hate it.

I worry about my P.M.S. Some experts say it just gets worse as you grow older. Although, it appears that some women find their P.M.S. clears away at and after pregnancy. I pray I'm one of those, but I doubt I will be. My luck isn't that great, I think.

I'm having trouble coping with P.M.S. at the moment. How will I cope with it getting worse? Sometimes, I wish I lived in the past, where a woman was expected to stay at home and not work because they were over-emotional, irrational creatures who can't think properly. Because that's how I get when I have P.M.S.

I get so bloody scared. How will I work? How will I raise children?

I should start a menstrual calendar, keep track of everything, and take control of my P.M.S. but I hate acknowledging that I can't control myself without resorting to drastic life changes.

'Saturday Morning' from Dock Leaves, © Hugo Williams 1994.