I felt very pervy at the time because..Winnie is SO naive and innocent for her age! And Lil isn't that open about talking about stuff like this too. So I was just yabbering on and I felt rather pervy cause I knew alot...oops?

Don't worry, Yu San. If you ever feel too pervy at any time, just hang out with me, and you will immediately feel less pervy! Heheh.

On to the Shrine of Honesty of Sorts....

I don't know where to draw the line between standing up for yourself, and being a good family member. I mean, if your parents want you to do one thing, and you want to do something else, who do you choose? Yourself or your "responsibility" towards your parents?

I, thankfully, rarely question myself. My parents are amazingly easy-going. I rarely have to make that kind of choice. Anytime they ask something for me, I know for god-damned sure, it's for my own good, or for their peace of mind when it comes to my safety. Like this weekend, they didn't make me go to Kelantan with them, so I could spend time with Tariq.

It disturbs me sometimes, that my parents know that Tariq is Priority Number One, instead of them. It seems to sad to me, that if I had to choose between spending time with Tariq, and spending time with my parents, I would choose Tariq. I look at Tariq's parents, and how possessively they demand Tariq's attention and time, and I wonder at myself, and my own priorities.

Tariq is wonderful, but my parents are wonderful too. Tariq has been wonderful to me for two years. My parents have been fully supportive of me since I was born. Part of me feels that I should act obligated and give back what my parents gave me. Yet the other part of me understands that I must take care of myself first, before I can take care of anyone else, and Tariq is the one my heart needs to enrich me.

I believe that children born to you, are not your own, in truth, but sacred responsibilities given by God/Universe/Whatever-is-Out-There. Your purpose as parents to raise your children to become themselves. I will expect nothing from my own children. If they grow up having the ability to make themselves happy, I will be content, and I won't need anything from them, because I have the ability to make myself happy too.

It's because of this reasoning that I don't believe I'm obligated to my parents for what they've done for me. Yet, I am grateful, and I do love them very much, for how amazing they have been to me. They could have been horrible parents, yet they chose to love me and care for me. This reasoning makes me think that I might possibly be obligated to them.

You got me horny in the morning
And you know uh oh
I tried to call you
But I can't find the telephone
I sent a message through the internet
But it rejected
I wrote a letter
And I sent it but uh oh oh
The postage takes so long
So I got to sing this song
To let you know how I feel
What's the deal baby
And I can't wait for you
And the things you make me do
My heart is ringing so I'm singing
This song for you

I search from time to time
But I can't find my bedroom
Now I got so desperate that
I sent a rocket to the moon
In New York City, someone said
They saw you singing the blues
But it was a man from nowhere land
That looked like you
Now we'll keep searching on
This feeling's much too strong
My heart is ringing and I'm singing
This song for you

I'm horny, horny, horny tonight (2x)

The postage takes so long
So I got to sing this song
To let you know how I feel
What's the deal baby
And I can't wait for you
And the things you make me do
My heart is ringing so I'm singing
This song for you

I'm horny all night long (12x)

CHORUS (2x): I'm horny
Horny, horny, horny
So horny
I'm horny, horny, horny
END CHORUS: Tonight

I'm horny, horny, horny tonight
Horny, horny, horny tonight

So I haven't been blogging.

The 16th is ten days away from the 26th. The 26th is when my boyfriend leaves.

We did some major serious shopping. I love shopping. My boyfriend loves shopping too! Only when we're shopping for him....

Hani sweetheart don't la so sad. Call me ok when T-boy leaves and you need some one. We go yam-cha yam-cha a bit ok!! And its ONLY a year. You both study good good and do what you have to do and nothing will do this to you again ok? =)

My problem: I'm not used to missing people. Too used to coming and going through people's lives, and too used to people coming and going through my life, that I learnt not to miss anybody. Until Tariq....

Well how do I begin? I guess you have everything to gain by getting to know me.... nah... sounds too cocky... definitely not me.... I m a chartered accountant, overworked but play well :) get in touch with me...

What is wrong with the above e-mail?

One: "Tell me where you got my e-mail address from." He no say where he got it from. My website, he said in his previous e-mail. I have a million websites. Which one?

Two: "Tell me your name, your gender, your age and the general area of where you're living." He gave me his name and the general area. No age, no gender. I'm assuming he's a male. Maybe I should assume this moron is an it.

Three: "State what you want clearly. Tell me the whole story." Maybe I should make it bold. Tell me the whole story. "It" did not tell me why "it" wanted my icq number, nor why I should give "it" my icq number. Because I'm pretty? Because I caught his attention with my sharp wit? Because he lusts after big boobs?

Four: I still don't see what's in it for me to talk to "It the Idiot." Never mind that he's a chartered accountant. Too much work and qualifications have killed his brain. His reluctance to tell me much about himself makes him suspicious to me, and I refuse to reply to his e-mails any further. Don't expect me to tell you anything, if you won't tell me anything yourself.

Am I harsh? Too bad. The internet is not my favoured form of meeting people. I prefer being able to look people in their eyes and picking up little things like "he has bad taste in clothing" and "she doesn't smile a lot," and such things, I can't get via internet.

I use the internet to toss things into the random universe, and to keep in touch with people I already care about (as in people I've already met), all over the world. I am very very reluctant to get to know people through the internet. They tend to tell me only what they want me to know, not their real selves. I don't like pretensions. I can respect being private, but not being false. I can tell the difference if I meet a person face-to-face, but on the internet, lies and truth can't be confirmed in any way, and unless I can look at your face while you're telling me something, I prefer to think you're lying.

I've been bleeding for ten whole months, and yet, in his arms, I'm so bloody happy.

He's going away again. Should I count how exactly how many days away it will be? Or shall I just play ignorant again? He's gonna go fucking away, and I'm gonna be bleeding again. For another year.

God, I hate waiting. Why does life demand you to do the things you hate?

It's okay to lie to myself just for a day or two, right?

A day? A day more? One more day more? And another day?

This is because the electricity suddenly shut down at the apartment. It was most traumatizing.

I was half-way in the middle of archiving!