Okay, I know some people will disapprove and what-not.

I am buzzed!

Skinny people get buzzed on one bottle of Kristov Vodka Ice, containing 5% alcohol and 1/3 standard drinks. Don't invite me for alcohol binging, people. I can't take it.

I won't say who she is. Sufficient to say that I hate her, and right now, I feel very very very jealous.

It's unusual for me to feel jealous. I know he has no romantic inclination for her. She's not his taste at all. I don't care. She is enjoying his company right now. She gets to watch the goddamned fireworks with him, while I'm stuck here all alone.

I miss him so much. While I'm hurting here without him, she gets to hang out with him, and most likely does not appreciate the privilege of it. She doesn't ache at his lack of presence.

What I'm most jealous of, is that I really don't think she's worthy of his company. She is not fit to lick his boots. Yet she gets to be with him, while I, obsessed and adoring, am miles and miles away.

Unfortunately, after one whole day and one whole night of charging, when I removed the charger from my cellphone, there was only one bar left. Obviously, the charger was lying, and it was not charging my cellphone. I went to sleep in terror of my cellphone shutting down and being stuck without my sole portable source of communication.

I am a very independent person. I find it difficult to let myself be taken care of by others, with fixed rules and regulations for my own safety and well-being. I'd rather mess up all on my own. Never mind that I've run out of money and there's no food in the apartment. I resort to my stealing mom's petty cash than to actually asking her to admit mismanaging my funds and needing money for food. Of course, I quietly replace the petty cash later on when I do have money, but the point is that I have this slight difficulty in asking for things....

As I was drifting off to sleep, however, to the beeps of "Low Battery" from my cellphone, I realized that without my cellphone, I would run back to the house and stay put where someone could take care of me, until I was back in portable communication. It is simply because I like knowing that I can ask for help, even though I don't actually ask. My independence stands as long as I know I have a safety net to catch me if I fall.

I go for weeks without talking to anyone sometimes. I live like a hermit in my apartment, or I run around in my car night and day and barely see anybody. My cellphone goes with me everywhere. It is necessary to know that if I crash my car, I can call Daddy. It is necessary to know that if I get raped (or hopefully, just robbed), I can call Akak. Okay, so I wouldn't be able to call Akak if my cellphone gets stolen, but we're talking the irrational mind here.

Without my cellphone, I would not have the courage to live independently, and I would be reduced to sitting around at home, asking permission before going out, and having a fixed curfew, and begging favours left and right from others more independent than me to do stuff for me. With my cellphone, I can go out whenever I want, to wherever I want, knowing at any moment I feel in danger, I can give someone a call. When I went to a god-forsaken area in the middle of the night, I SMS-ed a friend to warn her where I was going, should I end up missing the mext morning. When I got lost, I called my sister-in-law and shrieked at her to tell me how the hell to get where I wanted to go.

My cellphone is the sole means to my independence. Without it, I might as well sell my car, move back to the house, and learn to be a housemaid. I'd be scared shitless of everything.

One more day
One more time
One more sunset
Maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still
For one more day with you
One more day

First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl
I'd unplug the telephone
Keep the teevee off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love yous
That's what I'd do
With one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset
Maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still
For one more day with you
One more day

So here, I shall speak of Mike instead! Then he shall visit my blog, to read about himself. If this is the true Mike, allow me to say that he is quite intelligent, for a male, and good company.

He is adequately good looking, though just a wee bit too tall for my personal taste. Now Tan, is definitely too tall for my taste. And skinny. Mike is not skinny. I approve. He also bowls an adequate game, though Tan does better.

And listen to my revenge!! His hair is not short, though not all that long either. He tied his hair in a ponytail though, and that reminded me of.... Tariq!!!! Bwahahaha.

I set up this new blog to be honest.

Yet for the past three days, I've been in no mood to be honest. So I tried evasion, by announcing Darth Honig. I tried complete avoidance, by not blogging. Now I'm trying honesty in narrow terms. I am telling people that I'm in no mood to open my guts for display to all and sundry. Honest enough, no?

Last week, I had topics I wanted to speak of, which were difficult to speak of. This week, it would seem that I don't want to speak of anything at all.

So many topics in me, running all at once, resulting in nothing coming out. Let's summarize, then.

My father has left for New York, leaving me alone in our apartment. I would like to examine my complex relationship with him, where I don't like being in his presence, but I resent it when he's not around.

My over-independent streak is a bane to my life, pushing away not only my father, but the rest of my family, and more often than not, even friends. I would like to figure out why I'm so independent.

Something happened recently, to make me realize that a friend of mine has changed in such a way, that I disagree with her current philosophy of life. I would like to clarify my own opinion of friendship, loyalty and all it entails, in order to deal with this friend of mine. I feel very confused and dismayed by it all. Friends are very important to me. They influence my life very strongly.

I could also explain why I'm afraid of being honest, which has nothing to do with other people, but with myself, since I'm a habitual to-self liar....

For the people who have mentioned the difference between this blog-incarnation and the previous one:

Now bow before Darth Honig!

TJ on ICQ: "Dark Honey? sounds yummy, like dark chocolate."